Americans (of the Republican variety) like authoritarians

September 10, 2016 in Humor, Politics by admin | Permalink

When I was in elementary and middle school, the Vietnam War was still raging, and even we young ones were taking sides. No friendships were terminated over the divide, at least among us young ones. The only effect my family’s ardent anti-war views had on me was that it probably led to my exclusion from the Cub Scouts. I applied, but never heard back. Even then, I was fine with that. I hadn’t been that enthusiastic about joining that quasi-military association to begin with, and the only long-term losses resulting from my exclusion were to things like my knot-tying ability and my ability to fashion a lean-to out of sticks and leaves, which I am constantly hearing I absolutely suck at. Of course, the guy who is always telling me about how much my lean-to construction skills suck can’t filter his pee for potable water worth a damn. “It always tastes like pee,” I tell him. But I digress.

One of my conservative, pro-war friends was an Italian-American kid, who was very bright and a great debater. LC, I will call him, was also a fan of Benito Mussolini (and now, presumably, of Trump). LC loved to get a rise out of me by singing the praises of old BM (which we’ll call him both for short and for accuracy of description). “BM brought order out of the anarchy of Italy.” “BM made the trains run on time.” You know. That sort of stuff.

So, today, when the Donald praises Putin, his words, which seem treasonous to us, resonate with a significant portion of his base, which actually yearns for a strong (authoritarian) leader, as well as for the end of rights for people of color, the closing of our borders, and just in general making America great (= white) again.

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Why Isn’t Hillary Far Ahead?

September 10, 2016 in Politics by admin | Permalink

Here is a silly headline from the Washington Post’s Saturday, Sept. 10, 2016 print edition: “Some Democrats fret: Why hasn’t Clinton run away with it?” I haven’t read the article yet, but I assume it says “Because she sucks!!” Virtually anyone else running against Trump would be 20 points ahead. But Clinton is a dishonest, money-grubbing, unprincipled wannabe whose only claim for the Presidency seems to be “it’s my turn” and “I’m at least better than stupid over there” (referring, presumably, to Trump, not Bill). And the idiotic Democratic party agreed.

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Trump Likes Putin Because Trump Wants To Be An Authoritarian

September 8, 2016 in Humor, Politics by admin | Permalink

People are scratching their heads over Trump’s doubling down on his praise of Putin. As he told Matt Lauer, he likes Putin because Putin is a strong leader. And very popular, too, with an 82% approval rating.

Apart from the fact that no one should give any credence to the approval ratings given to dictators in their own countries–are you really going to say you don’t approve of your fearless leader?–it is clear that Trump admires Putin’s strength above all else.

Well, maybe not above everything else. Trump also likes him because Putin has made Trump think that Putin likes him. Trump is auditioning for the role of Putin’s lap dog.

But I digress. Trump really admires Putin’s strength. Of course, Saddam Hussein was strong, at one time. So was Idi Amin. (Amin didn’t just fire people; he ate them!) You could add lots of other enemies of the U.S. to the list: Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini (who Trump appears to be channeling facially), just to take examples from the 1940s–the halcyon days of Trump’s childhood. (In fairness, Trump was born about a year and six weeks after Hitler and Mussolini died, so he never had the pleasure personally.)

I suspect that Trump would have good things to say about all of these men, especially in the context of comparing them favorably to Obama, whom Trump claims is a very bad, weak man who wasn’t even born here.

What all this comes down to is that Trump aspires to be an authoritarian President (to the extent that he aspires to be President at all). Of course, there probably are a lot of Americans who would like an authoritarian President, just as there probably are a lot of Americans who think ignorance is a qualification for the office.

If Trump is elected, old Vladimir will have a friend in D.C.–a fact that Trump actually views as a selling point.

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My colonoscopy

March 16, 2009 in Humor by Adam | 1 comment

I just had my first colonoscopy. This is a rite of passage for many people of my age. Kind of the 50-year-old’s version of the Bar Mitzvah, except there’s no band and, instead, you get a camera up your butt. It’s actually a two-step process. Instead of spending months learning your Torah portion and writing some mindless drivel about it, you spend about 24 hours starving and have several rounds of a liquid that makes your colon clean enough to eat off of. (Note the use of a preposition to end the previous sentence. This is the “internets,” after all.) The liquid, by the way, is not nearly as putrid as all the whiners said it would be. Then you go to a nice place with nice people who give you very pleasant medicine to make you unconcerned about the anal probe you are about to experience. You then can watch the examination if you are so inclined, which I definitely was. It was like TV, only it was my colon. I thought the entire process was fascinating. I even liked the purge part, which was disgusting. Better than any fart or poop joke I could think of, because it was real and the sound effects couldn’t be beat (or imitated, except if you are in proximity to a sink with running water). The big dilemma for me was whether I should ever eat again. After all, I was so . . . clean. I am the kind of person who does not wear new clothes for weeks after I purchase them, because — well — they’re so clean! Could I foul my newly pristine colon with food? It was quite a head scratcher, until the nice people at the colon place presented me with a handful of Animal Crackers (after I completed my assigned gas-passing). There were bunnies and owls and all kinds of critter crackers I hadn’t remembered seeing before. Oh well. They were nothing that a few spoonfuls of Metamucil couldn’t fix. Yummy.